I would have just told her not to come to the party if she couldn't afford it.

I keep reading about all these bachelorette parties and they sound so expensive! What ever happened to going out and getting a couple drinks?

My Maid of Honor doesn't have that much money. Being a good bride, and friend, you should respect that and don't go over the top with the demands. We went bowling at a place that is byob. We picked up some premade white russian's and pulled a big labowski.

But I don't see how a bachelorette party can honestly cost that much. What are people doing these days that makes it that outrageous?

I say just downscale - you do want her to be a party of the festivities b/c it's your event (wedding). Why do these parties cost so much?

The last bachelorette party I went to cost $100 per person. That included baseball tickets, three hours of bowling, unlimited food and drink at the bowling alley, and all transportation. Pretty reasonable, but it could've been cheaper.

A bachelorette weekend away sounds like fun but if that's the case, the bride and/or planner will have to count on less people attending because of monetary issues.

Anyway, I wouldn't have lent the money to someone I barely knew either.

That is a tough one. I have taken on the entire bill for bridal showers and baby showers in the past and although its not fair, I didn't want to disappoint the person of honor. With my bachelorette party my boss took us out..just me and one other co worker that was a close friend. We went to a strip club, had champagne and basically she paid for everything. It was her idea. The co worker did pitch in to pull me up on stage with one of the dancers though...which was extremely embarrassing!! I think it would depend on how long the party had been in the works...if I had given everyone enough notice and they still couldn't come up with their share I would take what they could give me but expect the rest soon after. I am not made of money and neither are the rest of my friends so it would be a burden to everyone else, not just me. I would feel bad telling her no and not to even come though. After all she is a friend of the bride also. I have only been to 2 other bachelorette parties and we all paid for ourselves plus pitched in for cover charges for the bride wherever we went. And we all pitched in for the limo. It wound up costing each person about $100 each and that was including their own drinks. We had about 15 people partying together. It was fun, but I don't think I would do it again. Something low key would be better the next time. And less expensive.

I think your friend handled that very well. It would have been one thing if your friend sprung the price tag on everybody, but it sounds like the girl had plenty of opportunities throughout the planning process to voice her issue with the prices. If she thought it was too expensive, she should have said something earlier.

I'm currently in a wedding party where two of the girls (out of never participate in the discussions as to what shoes we should all wear, what to do for the shower, bachelorette party, etc. After trying to solicit an opinion from them multiple times, we just decided amongst ourselves. Now they are complaining about the costs. If they didn't have the time, money to be a bridesmaid, they should have declined in the first place.

Sorry, that should be out of eight, not out of sunglass man.

These bachelorette parties are like trips to Vegas and stuff which can be pricey. That's what we did for my sister and it was super fun. Everyone paid up front and we had no problems. If anyone had a problem we would've probably asked for 1/2 payment then worked out the rest!

At the ones I've attended, people just pay for themselves, instead of collecting a pool of funds. I guess the only exception would be a joint hotel room.

If people can't afford it, then I suppose they shouldn't go.

sunraezz-the emoticons are all out of whack for some strange reason? I was reading your comment and I was like wth? lol

The 8 followed by parentheses always makes the sunglasses guy.

Bachelorette parties are optional, if you don't have the money don't go. All these broke people should plan one sometime, and they will see how all of this strange requests and solutions are ridiculous and unreasonable.

Its easy to forget about what being a bridesmaid is all about in the days of my-wedding-is-better-than-your-wedding drama.

Being a bridesmaid is about standing up for your friend when they declare to the world their intensions for their relationship with someone else. Its not about ones ability to fork over massive dough.

Expenses should be agreed upon up front so that no one is left with a surprise. I have been a bridesmaid 7 times. When I was younger, they were all cheap. Now, its at least 1K for the whole thing (3k for the last one).

In this case find some thing that works for both parties. If I had the money to spare and I would float the other bridesmaid because its about the bride loving her wedding. This sounds like a huge weekend away, which is really tough for a lot of people to do. Clearly there was a missing communication between the two parties.

One of my best friends had almost this EXACT thing happen to her. In her case, the cheap bridesmaid just kept telling her a check for the weekend was in the mail, for weeks and weeks! My friend finally stepped up and demanded (in the nicest way possible) payment ASAP.

It was especially hard for her, because the bride has become THE bridezilla to end ALL bridezillas AND all the wedding stuff/bachelorette stuff is costing an arm and a leg for my friend. Not cool.

The only plus to all this drama is that it has reinforced just how I don't want to act when I get married.

I would have told the girl the same thing however, since I do not know her I would not have offered suggestions on how to pay for it she is a grown up and it is her problem not mine.

lmao @ "out of sunglass man"

The last bachelorette party I went to cost us about $250 each. It was in Vegas and that covered an awesome suite at the Luxor, tickets to a male revue, and a bunch of limo rides.

It was expensive, but a lot of fun. The maid of honor put everything on her credit card, and all 14 attendees gave her cash or a check at the end of the weekend for our share.

Yeah. This just makes me not want to have one.

Yeah. This just makes me not want to have one.

It is absurd that bachelorette parties have reached the point where a BRIDESMAID cannot afford to attend. If the other bridesmaids decided on the event and made it that expensive, then it's their own fault and they should be prepared to help front the cost. If the bride requested something so expensive, someone needs to tell her that if they follow through with what she wants, not everyone can afford to attend.
I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for people who plan something extravagant and over the top and then don't understand why people can't afford it. My TWO bachelorette parties combined cost the people who attended both halves well $150/person, and we had a GREAT time, and it was spread over two different weekends. And, I can sleep at night knowing that people are not putting debt onto their credit cards in order to celebrate with me.

I have been to parties where I pay in advance. She should pat 50 per week before the party - not after! Otherwise don't go or borrow money from someone else.

That's just embarrassing. If I didn't have the money then I would have either found a way to get it ahead of time, months before the event took place, you do have to plan for these things or not come if I somehow could not pay for my own way.

i agree that the bridesmaid should have saved the money up before, but to be honest, if i were the one collecting the money, and had the extra cash, i would allowed the girl to pay me in $50 installments. You never know people's financial situations, and if the bride trusts her, then so do I. Its kind to help someone out once in a while, and to avoid an akward and embarassing situation.

This story sounds scarily familiar....
I was engaged for over a year and had a broke bridesmaid. She lived out of state, and was my best friend in high school.

It took forever for me to get her dress measurements. Then, probably 3 weeks before the wedding I found out she had never even picked up her dress when it came in! I learned this from the dress shop because she never told me. When I called she said she didn't have money... but her delaying this meant she was in a crunch and couldn't have the dress altered to fit properly! My parents ended up paying for it (it was about $150) and for her shoes. Her dress was never altered and was a little baggy at the bust.

Closer to the wedding she still didn't have her travel arrangements worked out. Her ride bailed on her and she didn't have enough money for a bus ticket. Her parents refused to help until the last minute, but I was in a panic wondering if I needed a replacement. I had already had to replace one girl!

Then, of course she had no money for a hotel room so she had to bum with me. All I wanted to do as the BRIDE was to relax and not keep lending her my hairbrush or shower gel.

The day of she opted not to get her hair done, which was fine, but she had no makeup. Thankfully while I was at a makeup counter getting mine done, she bummed off a bored makeup artist at another counter.

*shakes head*

FIFTY DOLLAR installments?! Darn, what was the total cost? That's insanely expensive. I thought it was pricey that my bridesmaids treated me to a massage, but that was only like 20 bucks per person when they split it. Why do people have to go all crazy for these parties, anyway. I say, go out to dinner, get a bunch of appetizers and drinks at home and stay up and watch 80s movies. That's my idea of a perfect night. Oh, you have to start it out with a massage, too, if possible.

Most of the B-parties I have been to have been about $30-50/pp for one night....an entire weekend was $100...I cannot imagine spending more than that for a night and a weekend

I wouldn't lend her diddly-squat, especially since I hardly know her. I think that your friend handled the situation very well.

As the bride, a bachelorette party that could have led to that situation would have squicked me. As a maid of honor, I wouldn't have planned a party like that, as no one who'd pick me for their maid of honor would be comfortable with something like that.

I just treated my bridesmaids to dinner at a local Tibetan restaurant. Spending time with them was plenty good for me. (And they slept on the floor at my house for the extra night they were in town for that.)

I'm not even having a bachelorette party. I think they're tacky.

I would've handled it the same way...tell her to put some of it on her credit card and pay the rest in cash. Just like everyone else.

And if she REALLY couldn't afford to do it, she probably should skip it (although I wouldn't say that to her).

Putting away 30 dollars a month over a year-long engagement? That's 360 dollars for the bachelorette party, right? That's probably on top of the cost of a pricey dress, shoes, travel.

I think that if you're going to ask your bridesmaids to pay for their attendance in your wedding (and wedding parties), it's the bride's duty to either make certain all the people involved are able to afford it, and if they can't, to scale back.

I can't believe how expensive weddings are these days, and how much people expect their friends to pay to stand beside them.

I would never lend money to someone I barely knew. Sorry, find a way to get the money.

Bookish, you are absolutely correct. It is TOO MUCH. Frankly, the bridesmaids should be able to attend (provided they can make it, the weekend is free, etc) at all costs, because they are obviously the closest friends of the bride. Picking something that they cannot afford is inconsiderate, rude, and tacky in my opinion.

If a bridesmaid can't afford to go to the bachelorette party, then it is over the top and too expensive anyway. This kinda reminds me of the movie "Friends with Money".

When I was planning my sister's party, I kept in mind the budget of everyone attending and tried to set a max of $50. In the end, we had a fabulous time going roller skating, eating BBQ, boozing it up and singing karaoke.

The weekend is about the bride, so if the bride is the kind of person that is ok with having a night in and watching movies, that is what she should do. Most all of my friends have wanted the crazy weekend in vegas or the relaxed weekend away. If that's the case, then you save up for it (all of mine, I knew about 3 months ahead of time) Or you don't go. If the bride is your friend, she should understand if you can't make it for $$$ issues.

I agree and disagree with TOO many people to say who!! But the thought that keeps coming to my mind is for the girl doing the asking. I imagine she was pretty embarrased and asked some others what they think she should do, and was probably told that asking the bridesmaid wouldn't hurt. "The worst that could happen is she'll say no" keeps playing in my head!

I agree that these parties are getting excessive and to try and save for a year just for one specific party is pretty unreasonable in my opinion. With so many other things we need to save for nowadays (a tank of gas!), a bachelorette party would be way down on the list for me! I'd rather spend a portion of that money on a nice wedding gift, bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair and makup and be able to make it to the day and look good for the bride, instead of spending the money on partying. A reasonable bride would understand and respect her friends financial situations.

A friend of mine is a bridesmaid and she's experiencing a similar situation...the bride was thinking of a simple, fun day out with the girls but the bridesmaid in charge of the party planned a weekend out of town (expensive hotel, fancy dinner, dancing at a club, spa day) which was completely out of my friend's budget. Not to mention the less than 30 days notice...if she had had more notice she might've been able to save up.

When she voiced her concern to the bridesmaid, her response was "Well you can get a salad, and skip the spa day if it's that big of a deal.."

Needless to say, she's not going.

Which is completely unfair in my opinion. You can't expect everyone to have the financial freedom to splurge on a huge, expensive weekend. Put some feelers out, see what people can or can't afford, and plan accordingly. It's about the BRIDE, after all.

Jeez, $360 + wedding gift + bridal shower gift + B-ette party gifts + whatever her bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair and makeup will cost is just NUTSZO!!

I'm NOT going to be a bride that just assumes a bridesmaid can pay for all of that. It pisses me off that a bride expects her bridesmaids to foot the bill for HER wedding day. YOU want a big wedding? A huge b-ette party? Then YOU pay for it!!! Don't expect your bridesmaids to fund it all!

Sorry I get into a grouchy mood over ignorance like this

Why on earth are these things so expensive? Is it not enough that our bridesmaids/maids/matrons of honour are doing us a giant favour by standing with us at the wedding, paying for their dresses, etc.? I have absolutely no expectation that any of my 'maids should cough up ridiculous amounts of money for something like this, or frankly, any at all. I want my best friends/family with me - not footing the bill for something that, in the long run, is unimportant and can obviously be divisive within the group. You really don't have to spend insane amounts to have a good time. See the comment re: the baseball game, bowling, food - that sounds like a blast, and it's far cheaper! Having to save $30 a month for a year leading up to the wedding? As someone who's seen her share of extreme budgets, sometimes that's not even an option and I don't think it's reasonable to expect it of someone!

Miss Manners just solved it for us.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=668336...

Lynne said it perfectly. The first time I read this question, I just thought about how outrageous it was for the bridesmaid to ask for this sort of financing ESPECIALLY since she is so bad with money! But really, she could be a perfectly nice person who had no idea what to do in this situation, and really wanted to be there for her friend. Even though I wouldn't have ponied up the cash either, I would NOT have organized some stupid super expensive event that people had difficulty attending due to financial reasons.

I think spending excessive money on a wedding is not the wisest decision, so I'm a bit biased, but honestly, at least the money spent on the wedding is the couple's choice. Asking people to spend a ton of money on a trip/party is just kinda rude. There is a lot of fun to be had for >$100, and I think for me my bachelorette party won't be fun if people can't afford it.

Ooooooops! *Less than $100!