I've been married four years and don't share any financial accounts with my husband. When we go to buy a house, we will likely open a joint account for household stuff, but still maintain our individual accounts.

One of the first things couples fight about is money. So it's best for each person to have access to their own set of funds.

hmm
I think it's an ok decision. If you love and trust each enough to get married, then you should be able to trust each other with merged accounts.

These days, I think marriage is taken too lightly. People jump into it way to quickly and that's why the divorce rate is so high. You are suppose to be together FOREVER. UNDER VOW. And if you don't think you can merge your accounts when you are husband and wife, then perhaps you need to think twice about being together forever or wait it out a couple more years - there's no rush.

P.S. of course i dont' condeme people who divorce over physical or mental abuse...

i don't know if it's that simple to make a blanket statement & say it's a good idea or a bad idea for everyone. i think it definitely depends on the couple. my feeling right now (& that may change once i'm married) is that it seems like it'd be easier to have a joint account for most things & each person puts aside a set amount/percentage/whatever a month in their own separate accounts, almost like an allowance or a little side savings account. but if it were up to me, most of our money would go into a joint account.

"Other" -- you know those cute little freaking annoying checks you get as wedding gifts, made out to "Mr. and Mrs. ___"?? Well until you have your Social Security card and driver's license that SAYS you are "Mrs. ____" you can't deposit that check...and maybe then, not even until both Mr. and Mrs. are on the account! We added each other's names onto our accounts for convenienceso we both have access, but we each maintain our own separate accounts. We both work and divide and conquer on bills and everyday expenses, so I feel like it would be too hard to have 2 people simultaneously depositing and debiting from one account.

When I get married I would like the set up to be a joint checking account for household expenses, a joint savings account for a rainy day, and each person should have their own accounts for what ever they want. To me it is not a trust issue it is being financially responsible.

My husband and I did not merge accounts because we were too lazy to switch our direct deposits, etc. We have access to/debit cards for each other's accounts, but we haven't had a reason to use them. Our mortgage, investments, and cars are under both our names.

Lovely_1:

It's not a matter of "trusting" the person you're married to when it comes to sharing a financial account. I trust my husband 100% when it comes to finances and doing what's right for "us." But I also think people need something that is their "own," even once they are married.

I think it's very silly to go into a marriage and think, "we've made vows to each other. We'll always work everything out. We have no reasons to worry. We will do everything together!"

That' silly. And not to mention stupid.

Both parties, when they marry, need to be able to incorporate the other into their life, but not be giving up everything. When you are married, you still very much need your independence with certain things. And how you spend your money that you earned is one of them.

I still say, "joint account for household items. Separate accounts otherwise."

why cant you have your "own" "allowance" like I do. we have a joint bank account, and we each have our own budget.

Merging? No. getting a Joint account? yeah. I like my account the way it is and wouldn't want to change it.

jacrabbit - not entirely true. You can still deposit "Mr. and Mrs." checks if you haven't changed your name, though I don't know about a joint vs. single account.

Right now we have one joint account for rent, car payments, etc. -- that's mostly used for fixed expenses that we pay by check, with a cushion for unexpected expenses like vet bills or car repairs. Over the past 4 years we've paid more and more bills out of that account, but we're not completely merged yet and probably won't be for a while. I'm not ready for him to see all my financial sins!

Why in the world would you marry someone who you didn't trust enough to share an account with? There are many more problems in your marraige than money if this is the case.

Keep your own account. Then open one together and each put a percentage of each of your paychecks in it for household bills and rent.

My boyfriend and I merged our money together when we started living together. Its been good. We really wouldn't do it any other way...
We try to never fight about money. And if that happens we just kind of step back and say...this is stupid, money should never be an issue!

We have both joint and individual accounts. It works for us.

For us, merging our accounts was a good idea. It works for us.

Also, I'm with CaterpillarGirl. Like her, we have allowances within our joint account. We have allowances for ourselves, joint expenses, etc.

Great Sommelier took the words right out of my mouth.

And TheMissus, it IS a trust issue, how can it not be. Everything in a relationship is a trust issue.

Its also an issue of knowing your spouse and sharing the same beleifs and goals...including financial beleifs/goals.

If you cant master finances, don't even think about walking down the isle. Its things like this that have driven divorce rates throught he roof.

exactly

When we get married, I will expect we will open a joint account to pay our mortgage and household bills. However, I would never give up my own bank account. I trust my guy with my money more than I trust myself with it, but I still want to keep some money for myself. Even now, he knows my pin and bank account numbers just in case, but he would never abuse that.

I think we call can agree to disagree. After a little more thought, I think it is more an issue of control and for a lot of people that have been single a lot of their adult lives it is hard to give up a certain amount of financial control no matter how much you trust them. A lot of my friends that have married in their mid to late 30's said that was one of the hardest things for them to do.

I meant to say we can all agree to disagree.

My husband and I got a joint bank account before we got married. Once I moved here we shared everything.
To The Missus: It's pretty clear that you think of your marriage as a business relationship where apparently trust and faith in the other person are less important than protecting your own interests. If that is how you choose to live that's fine but don't insult those of us who think marriage is a sacred contract and whose vows actually do mean that no matter what we will work things out and we will always be together. Honestly what does being married mean if not that? Especially in the present day when couples clearly have no need to be married to stay in a relationship, and everyone can choose to keep their cookies in whatever jar they please? We're not stupid just committed.

Great Sommelier, Jmartens and bransugar please try to respect that different things work for different people and get off your high horses.

I'm of the same opinion as The Missus because as much as my relationship is a partnership and a lifelong committment we are also two separate people who cherish our individuality (plus I like being able to buy him suprise presents that won't show up in his bank statement!).

Please don't be so rude about other peoples life choices, I trust my partner with my heart so our decision to retain a certain level of financial independance is NOT a trust issue.

Great Sommelier, Jmartens and bransugar please try to respect that different things work for different people and get off your high horses.

I'm of the same opinion as The Missus because as much as my relationship is a partnership and a lifelong committment we are also two separate people who cherish our individuality (plus I like being able to buy him suprise presents that won't show up in his bank statement!).

Please don't be so rude about other peoples life choices, I trust my partner with my heart so our decision to retain a certain level of financial independance is NOT a trust issue.

Great Sommelier, Jmartens and bransugar please try to respect that different things work for different people and get off your high horses.

I'm of the same opinion as The Missus because as much as my relationship is a partnership and a lifelong committment we are also two separate people who cherish our individuality (plus I like being able to buy him suprise presents that won't show up in his bank statement!).

Please don't be so rude about other peoples life choices, I trust my partner with my heart so our decision to retain a certain level of financial independance is NOT a trust issue.

So sorry my computer's throwing a wobbly, I definitely didn't mean to post that a million times!!

i believe in a joint account--altho i still tried to convince my fiance that we should have separate accounts but he brought up a good point... that just means you have to make sure youre direct depositing into two accounts etc...

it doesnt matter much now anyway we pretty much share each others own bank accounts as it is. i pick up this--mine is low so he'll pay a bill with one of his checks...

i think you will fight over money even if you have separate accounts... again--my fiance and i have fought about money even with separate accounts

but different folks different strokes

I absolutely agree with Jesi_Oh... it's a matter of individual, personal preference. My husband and I have one joint checking account and multiple joint savings accounts/CDs/etc... we do not have individual accounts. Just like I would not say that someone with an individual account obviously doesn't "trust" their spouse, the fact that we opted to have a joint account does not mean that I am naive and presume my marriage will last forever and do not need to worry about what will happen if we wind up divorced. We just sat down and discussed the situation, and decided that if we are living together and sharing everything, it seemed funny to not share all our finances, so it was the choice we made. It works for us, and I think we both find comfort in knowing that it's an easy way to hold each other accountable for ALL purchases, which is helpful when you suddenly transition from a "me" to a "we".

I didn't say everyone who had separate accounts marriages are in trouble. So please refrain from telling me to, as you so politely put it, get off my high horse. I said if you don't trust your spouse with money, there is a problem. That response is to people who have separate accounts BECAUSE they don't trust their spouse. Relax and don't jump to conclusions.

I think when you are married, everything should be shared jointly.

BAD! I've seen too many people get into big financial trouble after merging bank accounts with their husbands/boyfriends, and my boyfriend and I are learning from their mistakes. We've agreed to never merge bank accounts just in case something WERE to happen.

Would you get married then? I certainly think it is a good idea to not share accounts before you are married. But your last sentence worries me. If there is even an inkling of doubt that something MIGHT happen, don't progress the relationship to marraige.

There's always the possibility. With everyone. No matter how in love you are, there's no guarantees when it comes to love.

Oh really, how long have you been married? Your parents? There is no doubt in the mind about their choice in couples who waited until they KNEW their spouse was worthy. Also, if you truly take your vows seriously and the decision seriously, you realize that this is your partner, through thick and thin. People who go into it with doubts and a possible out are just wasting time and money.

I think it all depends on the couple.

every situation is unique.

and to those who are going on about the trust and forever crap;

grandma, yenta, abuela, whomever always use to stash money away for a "rainy day".

b*tches was up on game back then...you know, when marriages lasted.

My grandmother, who was happily married to my grandfather for 48 years before she passed away, told me "don't be no fool".

If I were to marry Dan right now, I would keep the bank accounts that I currently have, and open a joint one with him for household stuff.

some couples, one person pays the mortgage, the other takes care of other household expenses. however you want to split it.

When you get married, you're in love.

Love is like crack. it impairs your judgement.

so many gals on here are prime example;

"he's perfect, BUT"

and we tell them that it's not worth dumping him for.

so she marries him. things are great. pop a couple of cute kids.

20 years down the line, someone gets bored, or grow apart (empty-nest syndrome, mid-life crisis, horny, whatever), hubby wants to go.

let's just say things are strained at best.

the wife is trying to compose herself, and hubby takes $30k of BOTH of you guy's money out of the account. You don't notice until you go to buy some overpriced peanut butter at Whole Foods.

it will be like on Good Times when James died; D*MN D*MN D*MMMMMNN!!!

I guess to each their own, but it just seems suspicious and doomed to go into a marriage with doubts and an out.

Jesi_oh I wasn't on my high horse she was. I believe calling someone stupid and silly for sharing their life and their bank account with their spouse is rude. In fact I said if that is how you want to live fine but that's not all of us. Some of us do believe that what's mine is his and what's his is mine and there's no reason to seperate it. Why can't I speak my mind just the way you are? I'm not trying to make you get a joint account but I'll be damned if I let someone say that it's stupid to live my life the way I do.

For my fiance and I, it's not a matter of trust at all. I just don't like the way he does his banking! He doesn't keep receipts or a register, and I'm too anal about keeping track of my personal accounts to be able to have a merged account. We've decided to open joint accounts for savings, an emergency fund, and big household expenditures such as a new table and couch.

Asia84, I agree with you! As long as everything gets paid and saved for according to your budget, life's gravy!

Also I'd liek to say that I am an individual. I'm not some clone stepford wife who just melted into nothing as soon as I got married. I still have my identity but part of my identity now is that I am half of a married couple. There truly are no gaurantees in life at all but believeing that my marriage will last forever doesn't make me delusional. I can say that with confidence because our love is not about a mooshy feeling it is deeper than that. We see each other for who we truly are and accept that even if the other person is not perfect we will stand by them. There are plenty of times my husband and I don't agree about money we have compeletly different spendign habits and it is an adjustment to not just be able to spend my money the wya I want. On the other hand it opens up communication between us and makes our relationship stronger to work through those issues instead of just side stepping them by doing our own thing. It also means that before I think only about what I want I have to factor in what he and we both need.

bad idea! Married or not! Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea.

I dont see the point or need to join accounts. There are so many different ways to pay bills and do whatever when it comes to money. Keep it seperate at all times.

Thanks for the laughter in between all this nonsense, Asia. You bleepin' rock!

There are too many debts for me to even look at this as a possibility right now. I think I would always want my personal, private bank account for my own expenses and wages to go into and then a household bank account where we both put sa