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A Do or a Don't: Talking It Out With Your Friends

Fri, 08/08/2008 - 10:00am by DearSugar
220 Views - 12 comments

Whenever a problem should arise in a relationship, communication is nearly always the best method to finding the solution, but is that true for friendships as well? Friendships aren’t meant to be a challenge, so it seems almost counterintuitive to assume that there will be issues you have to work through, but as we all know, stuff does come up even between the best of friends. So when it does, do you just take the hands-off approach and let things work out (or not) naturally? Or do you think it’s best to apply those communication skills to your friendships, too?

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12 Comments Add a Comment

  • skigurl's picture
    skigurl
    2

    it depends. i'm not very confrontational and i've always found it hard to bring stuff up with my friends when something is bothering me in our friendship. i've gotten better with time, but unfortunately i end up bringing stuff up angrily or passive agressively or jokingly instead of actually having a good conversation. but like i said, i'm getting much better, and when possible, i just let it ride out and try to forget about it!

    21 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • mondaymoos's picture
    mondaymoos
    3

    It's become plainly obvious over time that I can't bring up issues with my female friends. One of them is always late, and occasionally even says she's on her way and then doesn't show up. Every time the rest of us bring it up, she's very defensive and denies that it happens at all. One of many examples. So I've learned to just let it go... it's not going to do any good anyway.

    21 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • sourcherry's picture
    sourcherry
    4

    It's only a do when there's something really bothering you.
    Most of the time talking about it doesn't do any good and people end up resenting each other for no reason.
    Anyway, after a few days I usually forget all about it and would regret it if I said anything.

    21 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • Sun_Sun's picture
    Sun_Sun
    5

    i think it depends. if its something thats a friendship dealbreaker i just wouldnt bother. unless she asks me one day y the change of heart. but if its stupid small stuff i just call them on it. whatever, its so much easier with a girlfriend than with a significant other.

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • chipjimi's picture
    chipjimi
    6

    I tend to want to talk it out. Small things tend to collect and becomes one huge problem. If you are that good friends, then it would be easy to communicate with them.

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Lavinie's picture
    Lavinie
    7

    you know what - i'm actually not so sure... my best friend and i can say anything to each other and we're good... but another friend i thought i was really close to considering we've been friends for 18 years - well - she recently did something to me that i called her out on because i thought it wasn't nice and all of a sudden she totally stopped talking to me... when i said something she said she misses me but doesn't want to push things or upset me again... i feel - if you let things out and then drop it - you're better off because then it's dealt with and you move on.. i thought that was better than keeping things inside, bottling it up, and eventually not being as close... but i guess i was wrong. but i don't feel like i am...

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • lovelylei's picture
    lovelylei
    8

    yeah what's with people when they say they'll show up and don't? its so annoying to care when they really don't.

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • popgoestheworld's picture
    popgoestheworld
    9

    "Friendships aren’t meant to be a challenge, so it seems almost counterintuitive to assume that there will be issues you have to work through, but as we all know, stuff does come up even between the best of friends."

    That makes zero sense to me. All relationships will have challenges. It's the nature of two imperfect people trying to get along.

    In any case, I take different approaches. I tend to let things slide unless they're really bugging me and then I bring them up.

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • justanerd1975's picture
    justanerd1975
    10

    I'm with popgoestheworld,I will let things work out or not, but if something is really,really bothering me then I will ask them if they have noticed it,too...

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Xaede's picture
    Xaede
    11

    All relationships of every kind require "work" to keep them healthy. I think with friends, it depends on the situation. Pick your battles. In one situation, we too had a friend that was always late, and got defensive when we approached her. So we finally decided as a group to invite her to functions with a "false time". And sure enough, telling her to show up 30-45 minutes early insured she was right on time. She was peeved at first when she caught on, but she eventually saw the error of her ways and planned to be on time, no trickery needed. IMHO, if a friend isn't willing to discuss something that's really important to you, he/she isn't that great of a friend. It was hard to do, but eliminating the toxic people I had in my life was the best decision I ever made.

    21 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment

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