Abso-freaking-lutely not forgive!!!

What kind of woman would let another woman sleep with a guy that she KNOWS has an STD? That's pretty low...with "friends" like that who really needs enemies?

I said forgive. Its not the friend's fault this chick is sleeping around. Its the risk you take by being promiscuous.

This one is tough...I said forgive, because ultimately you're the one responsible for your sex life and protecting your health. Your friend got put in a bad position, between protecting one friend's secret and giving you fair warning. It's up to you whether or not to forgive her and continue to be friends. But personally, I understand where she was coming from...she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it's up to you, not her, to protect yourself.

I said not forgive because as a friend, I would have said something--I would feel guilty if I knew someone had herpes, and he was sleeping with my friend.

However, you did admit to wanting to "have fun," so I guess that is the consequence of being promiscuous. She did technically warn you not to date him, and you ignored her.

1 out of every 5 Americans have genital herpes - it is your job to protect yourself. Don't believe someone just because they say they are "clean" - ask to see the test results.
I think it would have been unethical of the friend to divulge her roommate's medical information that he shared in confidence. And, she was clearly surprised that he lied about it to you - it's not like she knew he wouldn't be forthcoming about it. I suppose she could have given you a stronger warning about him other than "he's a bad boyfriend," but you're a big girl and your sexual health is your own responsibility. Please don't use the friend as a scapegoat so you can make yourself feel better about the situation.

It was not her job or right to tell you. Would you want her telling future boyfriends of yours that you are now infected?

By your post, this seems to be an early sexual experience for you and you had to learn a lesson the most difficult way. Having sex "just for fun" can be dangerous even with protection.

You can still lead a happy, fulfilled life, just be more vigilant. Trust, but verify.

meumitisuki- i would fully expect any 'friend' to tell me if they knew a guy i was intending on sleeping with had an STD. or another girlfriend. or slept with a lot of people.
what if she knew he was abusive? would that have been a different story, if she had neglected to tell her friend that, instead just saying that he is a "bad boyfriend?"
there is no cure for herpes. her friend should have told her.

I agree with the other posters, on one hand you have to take responsibility for sleeping with him and not being safe about it but on the other hand if she hadn't wanted to break his confidence she still should've given a more concrete warning. Even a 'use protection, he gets around a bit...' would've been more helpful then the bad boyfriend line.

Personally, I don't know if *I* would be able to forgive her, because even though you can live with it, like carak said there's no cure for herpes, but on the other hand you definitely should've looked into protecting yourself.

That's not the kind of secret a friend should keep. What's more important, protecting a liar with an STD or keeping you from getting an incurable disease? I'm surprised she picked protecting the cheater. Sure, she warned you that he wasn't a good boyfriend, but that's not enough.

that is the worst kind of friend. he might have "sworn" her to secrecy but now you are impacted with something for the rest of your life because she didn't warn you

That is absolutely unforgivable.

I voted forgive. She did try to warn you about him, without coming straight out. I think it would have been a different situation had she not been LIVING with him, but dealing with roommates can be a tough situation. If they had been getting along well as roommmates, and then he finds out that she spilled the news on his herpes, and they wind up having a huge brawl over that and can no longer live together -- well, it's not particular fair to your friend, either. As much as it sucks for you, I think what she did was fair, since she did try to warn you, after all. Had she kept her mouth shut and not tried to discourage you at all, then it would be something different. But you still chose to date him despite the warning, and you just took his clean bill of health at face value, without asking for proof. Guess you won't be making that mistake again.

Besides, now your friend knows that you have herpes. You probably asked her not to tell anyone, in confidence. Do you want to be able to trust her not to tell, or do you want her to divulge this information to other people? You have to realize that the road works both ways.

You slept with him - its your problem. She probably should have told you but do you want her to tell everbody that you potentially might sleep with that you have it?

wow, I'm surprised so amny said don't forgive...I say forgive, she had no idea whether he was going to tell you or not, why should she have assumed that he wasn't going to be henoest about it? She didn't want to tell all of his business, and she probably won't tell yours. But she did try to warn you that he was a bad boyfriend, and you should have listened...

There is no cure for herpes, unforgivable. Your "girlfriend" and your ex.

You know when you're a kid, and you watch those tv shows with morals in them? And they said you should always keep a secret, but there are exceptions (like if a friend is in danger, or say, might get an STD). This wasn't a secret her friend should keep, like someone said earlier. Her friend's warning was weak and should've conveyed more seriousness at the very least.

It was a pretty shady thing that your friend did, but it is your responsibility to practice safe sex. It was not her decision to not use protection with a guy you were only casually dating and knew wasn't committed to you. She had no reason to assume that you would be irresponsible and not use protection.

That's unbelievable.
I cannot believe that her friend wouldn't tell her!
Not only are herpes FOREVER, but they can also cause complications when you are having kids (like blindness, premature labor, ETC!!!). And the daily drug therapy is EXPENSIVE!!!!

I said "Not Forgive".

That's f*cking horrible. Unforgivable. If she was my friend, I think I'd go to her house and punch her in the face. Seriously.

You still should have used protection - if you didn't. You can catch herpes even if you use a condom - but it still lowers the risks.

It serves you right! Your sex life and subsequent decisions are not her responsibility. I think it's ludicrous that you give him an easy pass and blame her. Grow up!

There are laws about knowingly passing STDs. You should have legal rights you might want to look into depending on where you live.

I don't know what to say about your 'friend', except what would this friend have done if it was HIV or AIDS? Nothing..?

I would be pretty miffed - voted not forgive.
However she did warn you he was up to no good, and I can't believe that if you just wanted to "have fun" you couldn't have used protection. So actually, yeah, she should have told you, but you should have been smarter. Just be glad he didn't have AIDS.

I normally vote to forgive...but in this case I say do NOT forgive. I agree with pippins_halfing and besamemucho.

I say not forgive. I know it IS your responsibility to stay safe and stuff like that, but somebody should have said SOMETHING. Why should she keep information like that from you?

And people who are being harsh, please tone it down. This is a place for sympathy and constructive criticism, not a tongue-lashing. People don't post questions here for that.

I'm with RockAndRepublic, he seems to be getting a pretty easy pass! Ultimately, it was his responsibility to tell you, not hers. I hope you'll be more responsible than he was, and tell all future partners.

Okay normally, I'd say this was NOT her job to tell you - medical info like that is private. I feel like she did try to warn you in her own way. It depends on how close a friend she is, though. I'd definitely want and expect my close friends to share that info - or at least hint at it much more strongly, like, "Look - I don't want to disclose anything private, but do NOT sleep with this guy or you will regret it." I think that's something passable. This guy sounds like a REAL LOSER though - lying to you about something that affects your health? What an awful person.

Absolutely not forgivable!

She knew he had an INCURABLE, CONTAGIOUS DISEASE and did not tell you. That's not a friend by any definition of the word.

FORGIVE.

if he's her roommate, then obviously she's not going to go shouting from the rooftops about his VD.

it's not her fault YOU didn't use a condom

and she did try to warn you by using the "he wouldn't be a good boyfriend" line. i mean, she basically told you he was sketchy

I think she should have told you he had herpes, especially since she told you he was a notoriously bad boyfriend. Why stop at that?? But ultimately, we're all responsible for our own safety sexually, and you should've had protected sex.

I'm not sure how this is a "confessional" given that we're judging another party's behavior without hearing their side of the story.

I'm curious what you would have done if she told you he had herpes and he told you he was clean. Who would you have believed?

Not forgivable.

Even though your sex life is you responsibility, and he lied to you, she still knew about it and didn't tell you. She, especially as your friend, should have told you.

Personally, I would take legal action. This is almost as bad as those people who know they have HIV and continue to be sexually active without informing their partners.

This is a tough situation but I voted to forgive.

Your anger should be at yourself, for trusting some random guy who your friend WARNED you about. What man, who is about to get laid, is going to fess up to having an STD, especially if you're not his girlfriend and just something casual? He obviously didn't care about you or your health one bit.

I make my boyfriends all get doctor-signed medical exams before they sleep with me. I know that might sound crazy but in this day and age I have to protect myself. And most men are generally very motivated to get the doctor's visit taken care of quickly.

Im all for keeping secrets private but when it comes down to your friend potentially catching a disease??? UMMMM no way. YES shes responsible for her own sex life, but if a close friend (not a random girl) KNOWS...then im sorry but she HAS to tell. Thats just an unwritten rule. And for the girl who said shes promiscuous..you clearly didn't read when this was her 2nd guy. Sleeping around means randomly having sex with guys often. Not once.

Not forgive!

I'd also sue him for grevious bodily harm as he KNOWINGLY gave you an STD and lied to you about his test results. Claim compensation. Drag him through the courts!!

Forgive.

Personally, I think your friend did nothing wrong. She promised to keep her good friend (your ex's) secret. She behaved with integrity. Also, she did try to warn you, without violating that confidence.

Also, I think you're were awfully foolish to believe that man, without medical proof. When it comes to your physical health, the buck stops WITH YOU, not your ex, not your friend. So don't blame your friend, or your lying ex. It was YOUR responsiblity to make sure having sex with that man was safe. After all, it's YOUR body, and YOU'RE responsible for looking after it.

I regret you ended up with herpes. Thankfully, there are medications and supplements to help you manage it. You could lead a normal life, but you would need to be extra careful in your sex life.

I don't think I'd forgive her -- at least, not quickly.

Yes, every person has the responsibility to protect themselves from STD. But if you ask your partner and he says he's clean and you use protection...well...that's not exactly being irresponsible, it's just not being responsible ENOUGH. The best thing would be to take a couples trip to the local clinic and see his results yourself, but that doesn't make it right for the partner to lie just because you didn't request his doctor's note. I would NOT forgive him and if there is any legal venues, I think I might pursue it.

As for the friend -- obviously it is not the friend's direct fault that your partner gave you an STD. However, I don't know, I'd want my friend to mention it. There is, of course, the very REAL chance that had she warned you (and not in vague terms) and he told you otherwise, you would not have believed her. So I guess it depended on 1) what kind of friend she is to you, 2) what kind of boyfriend/fling he was to you, and 3) what kind of friend she is to him. It sounds like she is closer to him than you since she would rather keep his secret than give you heads-up.

I don't know. On one hand, she was being a good friend to him, and on the other, a bad to her? I don't know. Ultimately, it was the MANS RESPONSIBILITY to tell her, ecspecially after she point blank asked him. He is to blame. I can totally understand why she felt betrayed and I think I would too, but it wasn't her friends place nor responsibilty to tell her that. That's a toughy.

I can understand how it would be a difficult situation for her to be in, but still, she basically knowingly let you contract an incurable STD you will now have to live with for the rest of your life. Not cool.

Forgive!
I do not see in anyway that it is her responsibility. It's YOUR responsibility to practice safe sex and she did try to warn you. She was good friends with BOTH of you and I do not know how else she would have handle it. She was put in a difficult situation and should not be blame for YOUR actions. You did ignore her warning and still went with the guy. What happens after that is on you.If it was her word against his even if she did tell you, I don't have much faith in you taking her word over his. Seriously ask yourself what you would do in her shoes.
Also, honestly, unless you were telling her you were planning to sleep with the guy - even if she tell you about his condition after the fact, it would've been too late because you would've already had sex with him and have potentially contracted the disease.
As others have brought up a good point - would you want her to tell your future boyfriend that you have herpes? - probably not, since it's not her right nor her obligation to do so.
You should grow up and stop directing anger at the wrong people. Accept the situation for what it is and be smarter next time around.

To those who are assuming this girl was not practicing safe sex: it is entirely possible to contract HSV (herpes) while using condoms - the virus is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, and outbreaks can occur in many places that are not covered by male condoms.

Since she was just looking to have fun, I think some other clue from the friend should have been in order - I don't think someone with an actively transmissable STD who is NOT responsible enough to tell his partners (and is likely not on suppressive treatment, which reduces the likelihood of transmission) is the right choice for a casual sex partner.

However, the assumption among many posters here seems to be that if she had known about the STD, she wouldn't have had sex with him at all. What if, instead of a jerk, he was a really great guy interested in a relationship? If the friend had disclosed his status before he'd had the chance to explain himself, she might have missed out on a possibly great relationship. And with suppressive treatment, she may never contract HSV. It should always be the prospective partner's fully-informed choice, but having an STD, even one without a cure and with so much associated stigma, shouldn't mean that person should be shunned from all love and sex relationships. This girl is proof that it can happen to anyone - she's only had two sex partners - and the stigma is often unfair.

It's an STI. That goes above common sense to watch out for someone if you are privy to information.