Wow, I would run for the hills. I am a SAHM, but if my husband expected me to stay at home and "run the household" before we were even married or had kids, I would be really worried. To me, this seems like he wants you to be someone who can be his maid and a nanny for his kids. Being a stay at home mom is great, but it's a decision that you should make TOGETHER, and if it's not something you might not want to do, he should be totally cool with that. Otherwise, I think you're just setting yourself up to be bossed around.

I would hit the bricks running...not because of an aversion to the stay at home part, I would never be happy with someone who told me he expected me to give up my career. Marriage and relationships are a two way street and I would never settle for anything less than 50/50.

No way. I would never disrespect my husband (within reason), but -- He can't tell me what to do.

I work part-time... sometimes full-time (depending on how busy work gets).. and I do everything around the house (cook, clean, grocery shop, laundry, decorate, organize, run this sh!t.. and budget/pay the bills [with both of our money]). And then I barely get enough sleep during the week because I'm constantly checking on my toddler at night.. or up when she's sick with her, whatever. (I let him sleep harder since my work schedule is more flexible and since he make the bulk of the money)..

But really, his opinion on how I live my life only matters if he feels I'm hurting myself or making a wrong decision. He knows I can make it on my own and that I'm very independent, so he doesn't rock the boat..

...and, hey, these aren't Pilgrim Days. I'd say "Next, please!".....

Man as much as right now I would LOVE to be a stay at home wife with some kind of side job of my own I would NEVER allow my husband to demand that of me. I think I wouldn't marry someone who would try that kind of crap

(I think the only way I'd be a stay at home wife would be if I could For Sure hit the gym for hours every single day. And swim. And shop. But I get bored, I'd have to paint or have my own studio or something. I guess only if I was RICH... but if he demanded that from me? You've got to be kidding me. I'd have to get laid every day for that sort of demand.)

no way- i am working hard to get my degree

and nothing against a stay at home mom, but that, like everyone else seems to be saying, is a decision that should be made together

This seems symptomatic of a larger issue of him being controlling. For him to decide something that major about your lives together without your input - that's just odd. I think this is a make-or-break situation. If he won't compromise and you don't want to be a housewife, I don't see how this could be resolved. Personally, I'd be kinda thrilled if someone actually wanted me to be a SAHM, since I'd jump at the chance. Yeah, I have three degrees and have had a couple of okay jobs, but I want a family more than anything else and I keep dating guys who want me to be a breadwinner. So if he phrased it right and we agreed on it, I'd personally do it. BUT if he wanted to leave me without even the option of part-time... that seems really unfair. This is just an odd situation - it seems like you'd know your boyfriend well enough at this point to have known this!!

only if he was super super rich and I could go to the spa and the gym every day..and go shopping and buy whatever I want and by running the household he means pay the maid on time hhahaha.

its the "expects" part
makes me shudder
blekh

Stay at home wife is someone who stays at home even if there are no kids, right? Because that's totally a differen thing then Stay at home Mom. Yeah, if he wanted her to be a SAHM and wouldn't budge he's still in the wrong and it's something they should decid together, especially with the option [over here] or both maternal and paternal leave.

But if he expects that once we get married I quit my job and refuses to see reason I don't see myself staying with him for much longer. Nothing against SAH anythings, but that should be something we discuss together but in the end it's my choice. And on top of that, would he be willing to support my habits? Because if I'm expected to stay at home and there are no kids to watch he better be prepared to foot my shopping/gym/home renovation bills and the like.

And princess_eab makes a good point, if they've been together for a few years [even if it's a hypothetical] wouldn't there have been hints/clues to his mindset?

take off running man!

Ha! Tell him to buy a Realdoll, and go out and find yourself a real man.

I would take off running if I was expected to have children, I do not want them and I am always up front about that when I start a new relationship. I am way to independent I need to have my own thing going on!

It's not happening, no way never ever ever! I wouldn't be a stay at home mom anyway, much less if he EXPECTED me to be like that. I am who I am, he can go expect his way into some other relationship if he's going to act like that.

Sadly, i'd say no. It's just not happening. I spend way too much time on my own as it is.

I love my job, but I'd also love to be a stay at home wife.

Kick him to the curb ASAP.

I wouldn't have made it through a "few great years" together. I would have been out of this relationship very quickly.

Control issues much?

If it was a preference as opposed to a demand, I think it's fine. Before we got married, he said that he would support any career choice of mine but if possible, he would like me to stay home at least a couple years before they go to school.
Honestly, it didn't bug me as he was just expressing a preference, which happens to be mine now, although at the time I wanted to have a huge career. I just changed my mind and now want to stay at home until they are old enough for kindergarten, then go part-time, or work at home.
I'd say that this guy sounds really controlling though and I'd run for the hills.

I'd like to think I'd end up with someone who had the same views about raising kids and both parents working / not working (if you can afford it). The kind of guy who demands that his wife stays at home and runs the househould? I didn't even know that existed anymore.

I can't imagine myself ever being in this situation. I make it very clear to my boyfriends, and current long term partner, that while the relationship is important to me I am definitely following my own agenda and they can come along for the ride if they want. I'm compromising, but I'm not about to submit to other people's ideas of what kind of relationship they want.

Talking about future plans early on can prevent this kind of situation arising - through long discussions my current partner and I have decided that when kids come, I'm going to be the career person and he's going to be a stay-at-home dad. The important thing is that it is a mutual decision! After a 'few great years' you think they might have already talked about this.

It wouldn't happen. My bf isn't a caveman.

If it were me and I was actually considering it, I would want some assurances that I would be taken care of financially if things should fall apart.

it would depend. i love my job and worked really hard for it in grad school, but i also wouldn't mind taking care of kids and running the household if he made enough money. it would seriously depend, but it sounds like he's a bit controlling if he won't budge so i dunno, maybe it's a sign of other negative traits.

Two words: deal. breaker. The decision of who works when, who (if anyone) stays home, etc. is a decision that BOTH parents make.

Ugh. I would consider it a bad sign if you expected you to give up a career. That's very controlling of him, not good. You should stay at home because you want to, not because your husband told you to.

IF he was super rich and i could just spend his money and go shopping, I would consider it. BUT I would get bored after a year and we would eventually end up getting divorced because he would be a control freak. and then i would take his money and go back to work. Actually thats not a bad plan....

sign me up!

LBMAO!!!

If Dan asked/suggested/told me that, i would burst out laughing!

That's right up there with getting a tattoo with his name on my arm.
It AIN'T happenin'!

any man that i have dated has picked up that i'm a career oriented woman...yeah, i eventually want to pop a kid...maybe two. but i'm not going to stay at home!

fool around and have a b*tch say, "NEXT!"

this ain't Little House on the Prairie.

The you gotta deal with a motherf*cka telling you that it's HIS money, and HE works...as though wiping his ugly a*s kids poopy butts isn't work.

you gotta ask him for an allowance...cheap bastard probably have me cutting coupons and my kids eatting bologne sandwiches.

uhhhh!

the though just gives me goose bumps.

I have career aspirations and do not respond well to a man telling me what to do, especially with my career. But I do want to spend time at home with my future kids when they are young. However, I would never date a man who ordered me around or was unable to consider my needs and wishes.

It seems weird that all of the comments go straight to breaking up. It says "he won't budge," but is that after one conversation or what? I'd talk it out. If he won't ever change his mind, then think about breaking up.

I would just go to work!!! Are we still living in such a male-dominated world that we wouldn't do what our hearts told us? On the other hand, that's my dream life!