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Handle This: She's Acting Like Something She's Not

Tue, 10/07/2008 - 3:00pm by DearSugar
442 Views - 12 comments

In another effort to try and meet someone, your friend has signed up for an online dating site. And she’s actually been getting a ton of dates, but the problem is the guys never call her for date number two.

She’s come to you crying so many times now that you’re starting to get annoyed. You’ve been blaming it on the guys, so you offer to take a look at her profile to see why she might be attracting the wrong type. When you sign on together, you’re shocked to see a picture of your friend from five years ago when she was forty pounds lighter. Even worse, her profile is filled with facts about herself that just aren't true. She’s asking your opinion, so how do you handle this?

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12 Comments Add a Comment

  • Fallen85's picture
    Fallen85
    1

    I would offer to re-do her profile for her and take some good pictures of her. I wouldnt tell her what she did wrong I would just offer to fix it. If she denied, then I would very delicately and politely explain that the men might be getting the wrong idea of her based on the profile.

    6 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • cubadog's picture
    cubadog
    3

    Offer to help her with her profile. Chances are she already knows that she has told a white lie and used a picture from her thinner days. If she turns you down you need to be honest with her and as fallen85 said her profile is giving the wrong idea.

    6 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • itsme3683's picture
    itsme3683
    4

    I agree with the above posters, offer to help her first without saying anything and if she calls you out on it be honest but gentle. If it's too weird to bring up the weight thing then just say something like "I think you should post a photo of you in that great dress you just bought" or something. As for the little white lies, I would just talk to her and put some of the great things you know to be true about her--it could just be that she's making stuff up because she has low self-esteem and can't think of anything nice to say about herself. I think you just have to be there with her and make her realize that she's an awesome person with or without the extra weight and maybe the confidence will come through!

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Mesayme's picture
    Mesayme
    5

    I'd talk to her about other means of dating...maybe she's dating online to hide the weight or other factors she's subconscious about. If she's my good friend then we'd work on the issues rather than the dating.

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • crackaddict's picture
    crackaddict
    6

    I dont know any friend of mine who i couldnt say look this picture is OLD and is this really true?!?!? to i mean come on

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • LadyLiLa83's picture
    LadyLiLa83
    7

    I would definitely offer to help her redo the profile. I like itsme's suggestion of offering to post pictures in a new outfit.

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • skigurl's picture
    skigurl
    8

    fallen has a good idea, but i don't think i would have been able to keep my mouth shut in the first place...i would have blurted out "waterskiing? when do you EVER do that?" "museums? yah right, we never go to museums!" and stuff like that, and then i would have said "when was this picture taken? this isn't really what you look like. let's take a new picture of you so they can see how hot you really are" or something like that

    to be fair, if she has gained 40lb in 5 years she must not be a super tiny delicate flower so there might be a reason she's not getting dates or finding men

    i'd hope i would be able to be nice about it but i tend to tell it like it is when it comes to stuff like that

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Belle1031's picture
    Belle1031
    9

    Fallen has it. Ask to redo her profile. I personally would have been very honest with her and told her the reason she isnt getting date #2 is because she lied and deceived the guys. Sounds harsh I know.

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • roxtarchic's picture
    roxtarchic
    10

    crackaddict... i'd be saying the same thing... and offering to rewrite some of it...

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluestar's picture
    bluestar
    11

    Is she really confused as to why she's not getting 2nd dates? Is she in denial about who she really is? Sounds like she has worse issues than trying to get a 2nd date!

    6 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • snowysakurasky's picture
    snowysakurasky
    12

    agree w/ the suggestions to offer to redo her online profile.

    "Is she really confused as to why she's not getting 2nd dates? Is she in denial about who she really is?"

    i've heard from guys writing on craigslist rants and raves that quite a few women do this, in fact! and many of them are overweight, apparently...

    6 weeks 18 hours ago Report Comment

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