i have been in the exact same boat..my main advice: GET OUT FAST. do not give him the satisfaction of breaking your heart AND getting the comfort of having you in his bed at night. whether hes disrespecting you on purpose..bottom line..he IS disrespecting you..but the truth is, you are allowing it. if he knows that he has no plans to get back together with you and you think you are winning him over by hooking up with him..you are in for a rude awakening.i may sound harsh but this has happened to me. i felt so lost and confused after i would hook up with him. he didnt deserve my time or care. i got a clue about a year later. i wish it wouldnt havent taken me so long but now i am in a new relationship with the best man who loves me unconditionally.bottom line..move on..realize there may be the man of your dreams out there who wouldnt use you for your body OR play mind games. you will find real love again.

Close your legs, trust me, it'll do you wonders. It might even help your self-esteem.

LOL Rock and Repbulic...I agree.

"I really want to stop hooking up with him so I can finally move on, but I'm not sure how to do that". isn't that pretty obvious? Um..stop seeing him? Stop jumping into the sack with him. He obviously is after one thing while seeing you. Not seeing or sleeping with him will do wonders...

i hav been in a bit different but quite alike situation. i love my boyfriend extremely but i almost started another affair with one senior in college. and we had everything one night before i stopped short and managed not to strip my lower half too. presently, he is in a relationship for the first time but i remember having a smooch yet again with all the proximities. it is embarassing for my conscience to manage to keep this a secret for all my life. i don't really want to cheat on my love but i can't resist this other guy either.

the point is you just cannot avoid being close to someone you hav felt in and out. the only way is to get him to commit for someone else and you make sure you just avoid phone calls or online chats wid him. make him feel that he bugs u with his presence.

u can't really say he is using u. isn't it true u love it when he uses u?

it makes me crazy when people say "our feelings never changed, he just wanted to break up because of ____" - his CAREER? honestly? a supportive woman does wonders for a man's career! plus, true love can exist even in the busiest of lives. it's an excuse. he's just not that into you and wanted to sleep with other people. your friends are right - he probably is a jerk! just STOP SEEING HIM! go with dear's advice and ignore him and try to spend time with other groups. it's not rocket science.

I hope y'all get back together one day

Okay, coming from someone who's been in the EXACT same situation, there's only one thing you can do here: GET OUT! Seriously, in order to move on, you have to just cut him out of your life. Clearly he doesn't want to be with you, or he's to emotionally immature to handle your personality in a relationship. And if either of those are the case, you're probably too good to be there in the first place. As hard as this may be (and trust me, it's extremely rough at first!), it's time to get rid of him. Just cut him out.

Agreed skigurl! I hate the excuses, my ex said he wasnt ready for a relationship (he had to concentrate on school) and some months later became a baby daddy to some skank..yea..im sure it was school!

true love seriously overcomes all obstacles and needs no excuses.

Stop sleeping with him. Come on, your body should be ruled by your head, not the other way around.

lol been there.
Its hard to get out of... WAY easier said then done.
The only real way to get out of it is move on.
Maybe start a project that takes up all your time (hey... humanitarian efforts are trendy... put on a fashion show for charity or something!!)
Or.. I mean, maybe it's time for a big promotion at work? start working your ass off... pick up a new course.
Something that will make you feel better.
Maybe both of u still have feelings for eachother... but they're just that - old feelings. Every time one of you is feeling nostalgic you're going to end up in bed because... forbidden love makes for the best sex. and because you're a girl (and we all do it ladies) you're probably thinking.. .well... what if we DO end up together.

I guess just keep thinking that, "he'll miss me when I'm gone." which he will, he'll miss you like crazy... but right now hunni, to him.. .you're an easy lay. Those butterflies you get whenever you guys kiss now are from false hope and empty promises... .

Maybe you need a rebound (though I don't condone sinking to his level... a little crush never hurt anyone.) Pick the hottest most unnatainable guy you know.. and try and win a date. Its fun!
Plus, nows a perfect time to get in touch with your family, and all your girlfriends again and do things that just make YOU feel better.

Also, you have to say goodbye. Get closure. Tell him how you feel right up to the fact that you feel your being used. It may hurt when he doesnt fight for you.. .but anyone who loved you darling would fight for you 'til the end, work or not.

You'll find your man.... I have complete faith in that... but until then .. .just concentrate on you. .. you need it hunny.
Buy those expensive shoes you've been eyeing and take the girls out.

Sorry this response seems so passionate its just that, that situation was the worst ever. I hated it so if it helps . . thats all the advice I've got.

feel better!!

Snap out of it, get a hobby,and for gods sakes learn how to say no.

And don't ever under any circumstances settle for any man who treats you like this jerk is doing.....

I agree with Jude. If you respect yourself, you'll dig down deep, muster up some self-control and stop 'hooking up' with an *sshole.

I think you should read "He's Just Not That Into You."

Get out now girl - it only gets harder later! I went through the same thing for 5 YEARS and I wish that my family and friends had confronted me about what I was putting myself through. It was hard to move on, at first, but I am a much happier person now

i think that a lot of us can say that we've been in similar situations and it's not an easy thing to deal with but you HAVE to stop hanging out with him. it really seems like he doesn't have your feelings in mind when you hang out because if he did, then it wouldn't be a hook up. we let ourselves be sucked back in and that is an endless bad circle.

Him saying that he needed more time to focus on his career basically just means either a). he wants or probably currently is sleeping with other women and/or b). he wants to have sex with you while shirking all of the duties and responsibilities of a real bf.
Wow, sounds like this guy is getting exactly what he wants.
What about you? How is your behaviour making you happy?
Do you feel good about yourself after you guys hook up? Do you think that you don't truly deserve to be happy or have a real relationship? I say these things because I have been there, and trust me, he won't suddenly realize that he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It's just sex to him. He is using you, your friends are right. But it wouldn't happen unless you allowed it to.

The only thing to do is cut off ALL contact with him. Then, distract yourself and do things that increase your self esteem.
For example: start saving for a trip with a friend, learn how to salsa dance, talk to a therapist or life coach, take a class on something, start a new workout regimine, redecorate your house etc... Also, buy a sex toy and masturbate, and/or start dating other men. Good luck to you.

Show yourself some respect, and perhaps he will follow the example you set. You are allowing yourself to be used and disrespected, and all you have to do to stop it is keep your knees together.

ksindustryexec had wonderful advice. I agree.

You just have to figure out some way to make yourself stop contacting him. Block his phone number if you have to, that way you won't even be tempted to answer if he calls. Don't let yourself call him. Maybe get a friend to help you, tell them the situation, and then whenever you feel like calling him, call the friend instead and they can distract you. And if you are ever invited somewhere you know he will be, just don't go. Tell your friends why you aren't going so that they can support your efforts and find something else to do.

In other words, if you personally are having a hard time making yourself ignore him, then let all your close friends/family/etc. know what is going on and they can help you and keep you from contacting him when you have weak moments. And after ignoring him for a while, it will get easier and you can do it yourself.

remove the temptation. Stop hanging out with him.

A key I think is breaking a pattern. Most people do not realize that they are acting out a pattern. Any time I hear "Why do I keep meeting losers?" or "Why does this or that always happen to me?" it is a warning sign.

How do you stop a pattern you don't realize you have? Sit down and write down a list of things you have compromised on, put up with, or just hated...then a list of what you need, want or expect. Make an effort to go elsewhere and look for better opportunities...and when faced with a relationship opportunity keep checking your list.

You are important. Your needs, desires and wants are important. Don't compromise. You can't change someone else, reinvent them into what you want, or make them suddenly have a conscience. Who wants to be seen as a "fixer-upper" and why would you want one anyway.

Look higher...you deserve better!